Intimacy & Solitude (Paper)

WhydoIgofromonerelationshiptoanotherwithoutfindingwhatIyearnfor?WhyamIrestlessorcriticalwiththoseIlove-anduneasywithmyowncompanywhenI'malone?Isitpossibletobeclosetosomeoneelse-andstillbemyself?Beingalone.Relatingtoothers.Bothhavethepotentialforimmensepersonalsatisfaction.Bothcanseempainfullyelusivetobalance-orachieve.AsStephanieDowrick,awriterandpsychotherapist,shows,intimacyandsolitudearenotopposingexperiences.Theyaredifferentexpressionsofoursameself.Wecannotusefullyaddressourdifficultiesinrelationshipswithoutalsoconsideringhowwespendourtimealone.Norcanwetakeon"self-awareness"inanymeaningfulwaywithoutquestioningwhatweexpectfromothers.Solitudeisaverydifferentexperiencethanloneliness,andsexisonlyonewaytoexpressintimacy.Inunderstandingour"self,"wemustexploretherolesofmenandwomen.Inunderstandinghowtocare,wecannotignorewhoandhowwedesire,andwherewelookformeaning.Bringingintimacyandsolitudetogetherallowseachofustounravelwhyweneedothersandwanttobefree;whywewanttobeunderstoodandguardoursecrets;whywewanttobeloved"forourselves"andyetmayhavedifficultyacceptingwhoweare.IntimacyandSolitudeisaself-discoverybookwithararebreadthofinsight,andagentleinsistencethatwecanandmusttakeresponsibilityforourselvesinorderfullytoexpressourcareandloveforothers.Dowrickdrawsfromawiderangeofpsychoanalyticandspiritualsourcestotracethedevelopmentofthecapacitiestobecomfortablyaloneandwithothersfrominfancyonwards.ButasDowrickemphasizesthroughavarietyofmoving,personalstoriesdrawnfromherownandothers'experiences,nomatterhowfarfromidealourearlyexperienceswere,norhowfearfulwemightatthismomentbe,totheendoflifeitremainspossibletodeveloptheself-acceptanceessentialtosolit